Friday, November 15, 2013


As you've probably noticed, this pregnancy has been different.  Not good or bad necessarily, just different.

When I was pregnancy with Charlotte, I couldn’t wait to share our news with everyone I met; this time, I pray someone else will tell them because it’s hard to get the words out without feeling the need to explain our whole story.

When I was pregnant with Charlotte, I diligently took a bump picture every week in the same spot of our house; this time, I have yet to take a single one anywhere.

When I was pregnant with Charlotte, I counted down the weeks until we would meet our little girl; this time, I can barely think ahead past my next doctor’s appointment.

Another difference I've noticed is in the way people have treated me in comparrison to when I was pregnant with Charlotte.  Sure, it could be said that I don't need as much advice since I've been through it before, but I think part of it is due to what we've been through.  I know it's not easy knowing how to act/what to say when someone has lost a child & the fear of the unknown feels like it's hanging over their heads like a dark cloud.  And personally, I just have to stop, take a deep breath, & hope that cloud doesn't swallow me whole because I really do want to be excited about this little one, just as I was for his/her sister.

As we're nearing the twenty week mark {again}, people have started asking more about this pregnancy, such as what we think we're having, how I'm feeling, etc., and if I'm being honest, the only thought going through my mind is, "I would give anything to have this pregnancy be different from the last...” 

And my hope is that next Friday some of that "unknown" will fade away when we see a glimpse of who's growing inside of me & what lies ahead for us*. 

*Regardless of what happens or what news we receive, this child is loved just as we loved Charlotte & I'm thankful I can care for him/her for as long as God decides to grant us with.