Thursday, April 19, 2007

Disappointment... it finds me often. A little too often, if you ask me, but sadly, I've learned to expect it in almost any situation.

From family troubles to friend troubles to life-in-general troubles, disappointment pops up all the time. I try to avoid it. I try to tell myself that I am happy and that everything works out in their own way. But in the end, I'm generally disappointed.

Don't get me wrong, I'm learning that I need to persevere through the disappointment and find happiness, but life and God are just testing me in ways I can always figure out.

Today, I was disappointed. Royally disappointed. Disappointed in a department, disappointed in a project, disappointed in a professor. Everything that I had been told and believed to be true about our senior capstone business was shattered when we received that e-mail this afternoon. No offense to the team, but I'm not sure they should have won.

And I'm not saying that because Quaker Apparel should have been the team that won, but most of our classmates would probably agree with me in that another team should have won. I heard a handful of people specifically say that they were very upset about the decision, which is comforting, but doesn't change the fact of who the winning team was. It did help, for my sanity, that my team was behind me in being upset as well. We were all disappointed... and that sucks! It is not the way I wanted to end the class, but because it happened, there isn't much I can say or do now.

God, please help me forgive and move on because right now I feel like crying and yelling at everyone there last night. Please take this burden away and help me realize that we (Phil, Tim, Kelsey, and I) executed a fantastic business and as my friends told me today, the students knew who we were and enjoyed our product. I still smile when I see one of our t-shirts being worn... Thank you George Fox for accepting our idea and helping us make a profit.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

DONE! Can you believe it? I'm not sure I can, but it's true -- Quaker Apparel is officially done.

We had our final presentation tonight and overall they went good. Quaker Apparel ended on a great note with a good profit and everything in line. I am impressed that we pulled through, but really I shouldn't because we worked hard this whole semester for this one night. And after months of stressing, everything came down to a 20 minute speech in front of our peers and professors. Wow!

There is a possibility that we may not actually be done, but I'm trying not think about it until it happens. See, the winning team (out of 6) receives a $400 cash prize and the opportunity to present in front of the auxiliary board on Friday. It's hard to say which team is actually going to win, but only time will tell.

It's been a good run -- Thank you Phil, Tim, and Kelsey. You all taught me a lot about running a business and I thank you a lot!

Thanks also to those who attended and didn't have to -- Kel, Jess, and Alan. That meant so much to me to see you there!!

Oh boy, realizing that Quaker Apparel is done is all much sadder than I expected because it means that we are really done with our senior year and deep down I wish I could go back and do it all over again... can I? Is that possible? I'll continue to wish and hope... that's all I've got anymore =(

Monday, April 16, 2007

My roommate freakin' rocks!!!!

That's right, she gave one of the most amazing speeches in chapel this morning and although I had already heard it three times, it still made me laugh and cry and fall in love with her all over again.

Today, I have really loved watching everyone tell her she's did an amazing job and that they feel the same way because to me, that's who she is. She affects people (for the good) all the time, but I feel like she rarely sees/feels it. She's one of best people I know... wait, WHAT? I CANNOT LEAVE HER IN TWO WEEKS!! AM I OUT OF MY MIND? =(

As the last post said, "I'll keep you posted..." on how I'm doing with making last dates to hang out, well I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to leave these people. I just don't want to. Not yet. Maybe not ever...

Boy, sometimes I feel like a big baby. Like I'm making this harder then it has to be. But then I'm reminded that those friends I am crying about leaving are actually doing the same thing... that's got to mean something right? Right? Gosh, I hope so!

Yesterday, Kelly and I had our first together cry about this whole graduation business... We were driving home from the airport and I said something about next weekend being the last real weekend to hang out and we both lost it. Probably not a good thing when you are driving, but I couldn't help it. She's changed my life and I want to follow her to the ends of the world and back... and I would do it, except she's off to save the world and that doesn't seem to be in my plans right now. Hopefully she'll come back to me someday and we can reminisce and love on each other for days and days.

There are so many other people who I just want to slide into their pocket and stay forever. Sometimes I feel like I am a shadow, but now I really want to be, just so I can hang out with the cool people I just met (but should have met sooner...dang it).

Maybe this whole graduation thing isn't a big deal. Maybe we'll all stay in contact. Maybe we'll all come back together and live in community with our families. Maybe we'll be in love forever. Maybe.

That's the hope. That's the dream. I guess we'll just see where we all end up and go from there...
What a restful/fun weekend...

First, I went to my only class on Friday and worked on our Quaker Apparel presentation... boy, am I happy that I'll be done with it all come Wednesday night! Overall, I'm excited to stand up and share with those who attend all the hard work we've put into this project. Thank goodness for good team members!

Then I made the journey over to Sam's. That boy makes me feel loved, which is good because I'm marrying him =) We had a nice day of lounging around and playing with the dogs. When I said goodbye and drove home for the night, part of my heart was definitely left with him...

I woke up around 9 on Saturday and then Kel and I drove to the airport to pick up CHAD! Last Wednesday him and myself had talked about coming to surprise Kelly because she was receiving an award this weekend and instead we decided we would tell her and she was so excited, so he was here and it was awesome!!!! But sadly I could only hang out with the two of them for a short while before yet another India fundraiser -- a carwash!

So the carwash went good and we made a good chunk of money (in my opinion), so yay for Team India! But I have to admit by the end of the day I was ready to stop getting wet and stop cleaning cars and go home. On the drive back from Sherwood, I held Bethany's hand and didn't want to let go... two weeks isn't enough. Four years hasn't been enough. Why is it almost over? =(

When I got home, Bethany had a chance to meet Chad and the three of us baked mini cupcakes (which were actually for Chad's surprise party happening later that night, but he had no idea =) Kelly was also MIA because she was at a funeral). Kelly came home shortly after and we hung out some more. Then Kel and I went over to Marie's for a Mary Kay/Bridesmaids night. We got all dolled up and it was ridiculous (in a good way)! From there, we came back to the apartment to implement the "Project Chad: Surprise Party!"

The plan was for Kelly to take Chad on a walk and then people would come over and on Kelly's way home she would text/call me so I knew to prepare everyone for the big "SURPRISE", but sadly the plan failed. Kelly and Chad did go on their walk, but both of them forgot to take their phones so there was no notice before they came home. To say the least, Chad was still surprised and had a chance to meet some of the people Kelly talks about often. Despite being nervous to meet her friends, Chad did wonderfully and everyone loved him (just like I said they would!!!!!). All and all, a great day/night!

On Sunday, I slowly woke up and started some homework in bed. After a while, I got ready for Kelly's award banquet. Being the amazing woman that she is, she had been one of four seniors to receive the C.W. Perry Award and we all went to cheer her on/support her! This was the big reason for Chad planning this random trip and I think he was thrilled to be there supporting her. From the banquet, Chad, Kelly, and I went and got sandwiches at Fred Meyers and went and had a picnic. It was beautiful out and the company was great, even though I sort of felt like a third wheel... oh well! Then we took Chad to the airport and said our goodbyes. I really like that kid so it was hard to say goodbye. Maybe he'll come visit Kelly again and I can say hi sometime... we'll see.

Now it's back to homework and the last two weeks of my college career. If only I could go back four years and do it all over again... I would do it. Call me crazy, but it sounds much better than leaving these people whom I love so much. Maybe I can fit in all the last hangout sessions, all the last coffee dates, all the last snuggles in before these two weeks are up -- I hope I can do it! I'll keep you posted...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Tonight I had the privilege to have dinner with a dear friend whom has changed my life tremendously over the last year. We laughed. We teared up. We enjoyed each other's company. It was glorious beyond belief.

One thing she asked me was what I was going to miss most after graduation and after all the tears and frowns that have been had over the thought of graduation, I wasn't quite sure I could compose what that one missed thing would be.

I quickly flashed back to what makes me laugh and smile the most -- my friends! I've made some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I found friends who will hopefully be friends for a lifetime. I've shared experiences with each one of them that I will never forget. And after graduation, those times will begin to decrease at an increasing rate.

No longer will we be 5 minutes away from each other. No longer will we be able to snuggle on a couch until 3 in the morning. No longer will we be able to share each other's clothes. No longer...

As the tears start rolling down my cheeks, I try to think back to the good times. If I can only hold on to those for a little longer I might be ok... for a while anyways. I love my friends more than most things in life. They have been the kind you would kill for. The kind you long for. The kind that make you smile at the mere thought of them.

Thank you, I believe you all know who you are. You have changed my life and I hope the life changing continues when we grow up... maybe...