Memories

As I mentioned last week, Mother's Day was hard this year. 

Before getting pregnant, Mother's Day was just a Hallmark holiday that let me celebrate my mom once a year (even though she deserved to be celebrated every day of the year...) and really didn't hold a lot of significance, to be honest. 

But a year ago, newly pregnant & on top of the world, this holiday took on a whole new meaning.  Suddenly, I couldn't wait to honor the women in our lives who have loved/raised/supported Sam & I and celebrate their new title as "Charlotte's grandma/nona/nana".  And honestly, the gift-giver in me couldn't stop thinking of memorable, sentimental gifts to give for the years to come...

But then life took a different path and even though it wasn't what we had pictured last Mother's Day, I couldn't think of a reason not to still show my gratitude towards these women in my life.  So this year, I decided to gift a daily reminder of the little girl who stole all of our hearts.

It wasn't a unique or complex gift, but very sentimental.  For the women who received this notepad, I believe it brought back a lot of memories for each of them.  The feeling they felt when they first met her, held her, looked into her big brown eyes probably came rushing back in an instant.  And while that can be very difficult because we all miss her, I have also found it to be a blessing because it helps us remember all of the good times we had with her.

See, I've worried since day 1 about what it will feel like if I stop remembering all the little details about our little angel.  I never want to forget one second of the nine days we had with her and I don't believe any of our family does either, but the truth of it is, life has moved on and the memories aren't as fresh as they once were.  Even today, five months since we've last saw her, I sit here in tears because it's so difficult to see life go on around us, without Charlotte. 

And sadly, I don't think that feeling is going to ever go away, but her memory lives on...

A shadow box full of Charlotte memories.