Different

As you've probably noticed, this pregnancy has been different.  Not good or bad necessarily, just different.

When I was pregnancy with Charlotte, I couldn’t wait to share our news with everyone I met; this time, I pray someone else will tell them because it’s hard to get the words out without feeling the need to explain our whole story.

When I was pregnant with Charlotte, I diligently took a bump picture every week in the same spot of our house; this time, I have yet to take a single one anywhere.

When I was pregnant with Charlotte, I counted down the weeks until we would meet our little girl; this time, I can barely think ahead past my next doctor’s appointment.


Another difference I've noticed is in the way people have treated me in comparrison to when I was pregnant with Charlotte.  Sure, it could be said that I don't need as much advice since I've been through it before, but I think part of it is due to what we've been through.  I know it's not easy knowing how to act/what to say when someone has lost a child & the fear of the unknown feels like it's hanging over their heads like a dark cloud.  And personally, I just have to stop, take a deep breath, & hope that cloud doesn't swallow me whole because I really do want to be excited about this little one, just as I was for his/her sister.


As we're nearing the twenty week mark {again}, people have started asking more about this pregnancy, such as what we think we're having, how I'm feeling, etc., and if I'm being honest, the only thought going through my mind is, "I would give anything to have this pregnancy be different from the last...” 

And my hope is that next Friday some of that "unknown" will fade away when we see a glimpse of who's growing inside of me & what lies ahead for us*. 


*Regardless of what happens or what news we receive, this child is loved just as we loved Charlotte & I'm thankful I can care for him/her for as long as God decides to grant us with.

Romans 12:12

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

The Influence Conference 2013

Because I'm still processing through everything #influenceconf related, I thought a little top 5 list of things from The Influcence Conference would suffice for now:

1. My awesome roommates!
• I couldn't have asked for two better women {Ashton & Tanya} to room with and sincerely hope this isn't the last time we all stay up until after midnight laughing & crying together.
2. Meeting bloggers whom I have followed for years.
• One of the crazy things about blogging is feeling like you already know someone without ever meeting face-to-face.  And yet, the friendships that can come through emailing and social media still amazes me every day.  As my twitter began to fill up with talk of the conference, I was both excited & nervous to meet some of the bloggers I had been following for years and I am so thankful I actually tabled my nerves & actually said hello some of them {Lindsey of The Kubly Girl, Erin of Blue Eyed Bride, and Lindsay of Hello Hue to name a few}. 
3. Listening & learning from such passionate speakers.
• Due to time, I only got to hear from some of the speakers who presented at the conference, but what I did hear is still making me think and blessing me where I least expect it.
• Lara Casey
• Annie Downs
• Jenna Beaugh
• Shawna Niequist
•  Diana Stone
• and the co-founders of The Influence Network, Hayley & Jessi.
4. A beautiful night of worship.
• On the last night of the conference, we all gathered together to worship and sing together.  To be honest, this was probably my favorite part of the whole conference because I could feel the Holy Spirit in the room and I knew there was a reason I had attended this conference.  And not to mention, the sound from that room was just breathtaking!
5. Watching The Influence Network core team love on, pray for, and engage with all the attendees.
• I honestly believe these six women could be called "the dream team". J Not only did their gifts & resources come together to bring us an amazing conference, but they also support a beautiful network of like-minded women all year long.  I've been a fan of each of their work with the network and individual blogs for at least the last six months and I can tell you that each of them writes just as they would speak to you in person, which I admire greatly.

Many times throughout the weekend, I found myself wondering about how this whole network & conference specfically came together and if I ever get a chance to be apart of the behind the scenes, I will consider myself lucky to be among such doers & dreamers! 

As I returned home on Sunday, my mind was swirling {and still is!} with thoughts & plans and my heart both blessed & wrecked in the best possible way.  I'm sure it will take some time to fully see the effects the conference had on me, but for now I am just grateful for the opportunity to attend.