Thursday, March 29, 2007

Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad. ~Author Unknown

When I was little, my dad was everything to me. I was the epitome of a “daddy’s girl” and I would have given anything to make him proud. Now, that man has gone from dad to father faster than I could have ever imagined.

Tonight, I received an e-mail saying that (basically) it is my fault that our relationship is so bad because I only look at him as the provider of my education and nothing more. Ironically enough, that is just what he made himself out to be.

He chose to take himself out of my life the day he divorced my mom and chose to move across the country and start a new family. He chose to make himself the “money man” when he thought he could buy our love. He chose to be in the position that he is in all by himself.

Why does he make me cry? Why does he make me doubt the way I love? Why does he make me feel like I can never accomplish anything?

I don’t know the answers to these questions. I don’t know what to do to make him love me and sometimes I don’t know why I care so much.

I know there are so many people who love me and so many people who would do anything for me, but it’s hard to think of those people when the man who gave life to me has chosen not to be in my life.

All this to say a man can be a dad one minute and a father the next. I don’t know where my father and I will be in a few years or a few months, but all I can believe in is that someday he might want to become a dad again and be in my life.

Until that day comes, I suppose I’ll just continue to pray. Lately I feel like that’s all I’ve got anymore. Maybe one day something will come of it…


  1. i don't think you're looking for someone to say anything profound.
    i just want you to know i love you.
    and you ARE capable of loving. you do it everday. you show me love everytime i see you.
    thanks for your heart toots. the good bad and the ugly.

  2. you can't stop blogging now.
    you've just begun.

    it's been a whole week since you've written anything.
    get on it.

    oh ya.