Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Reminders of Charlotte

Yesterday marked one month since we said goodbye to our precious Charlotte. 

As someone who prides herself on remembering dates & their significance, I am trying to accept that the 12th & 21st of each month just might be harder days for us --- they remind us of both the happiest & saddest times we have ever experienced and make us long to see our baby girl again.

Because I am the type of person who needs something to hold on to (not just physically, but emotionally & spiritually as well), I have found some reminders that help me get out of bed each morning, put one foot in front of the other, and get through another day without her.

One of the biggest reminders I have found comfort in are the photos we have of Charlotte.  Over her 9 days of life, Sam & I managed to take more than a thousand pictures (thank goodness for our iPhones).  At least once a day, I find myself scrolling through my phone looking at pictures of her and while they show the problems she constantly faced, they also remind me of the little details I loved about her – her fingers & toes, her beautiful eyes, and head full of hair for example.

Another reminder is the stories I hear from those who had the privilege of meeting her.  Sadly, we weren’t able to have everyone come and meet her before she passed away, but did make sure both of our families had a chance to spend some one-on-one time with the newest family member.  The remembrances they have of their time with her fill me with pride knowing the lives she touched in such a short amount of time.

The last reminder I hold close to me is the tangible objects that were with her in her hospital room.  From blankets to stuffed animals, I have found comfort in knowing these items were close to her in her time of need.  While navigating this new path of grief, I have found that I have what they call “empty arm syndrome” and having these items to hold, specifically a bear we refer to as Charlie, takes away some of the longing I have to hold her when I no longer can.

By no means do these reminders take away all the pain that we’re experiencing, but they do help make it not as hard.  I would give everything I have in this world to hold her in my arms again, but since that’s not an option, I will have to hold on to these reminders until we see her again someday.


  1. Oh, Mama. I am so sorry. But, I'm glad you have some reminders of your precious girl.

  2. Meaghan, I've recently realized that you had this blog and have since caught up on a lot of your beautiful writing and heartache. I'm so sorry to hear about Charlotte's short, but beautiful life. I admire your strength, and I admire your honesty.
    My husband and I have said prayers for you during your stay at the hospital, I've admired pictures on Instagram of your beautiful daughter and now I get to hear your heart on this blog. If I could, I would reach through and hug you!
    Thanks for sharing Meaghan. You are an incredible person!


  3. I'm catching up on blogs tonight, and this post stopped me in my tracks. I don't know if you realize this, but you are one strong momma. So many wouldn't be able to even see these beautiful reminders, and instead would focus on just the pain. I think it's wonderful that you see the good through all of the bad. I hope I'm making sense! I'm continuing to pray for you!