Grable Getaway: Oregon Coast

Back in January, Sam proposed heading to the coast for a few days to relax & discuss our plans for the upcoming year. As someone who loves to travel (near or far), I was immediately on board! The thought of getting away with my boys without the distraction of regular life was very appealing.

Fast forward to last week.

Prior to our trip, I prepared my heart and body for cold winter weather by packing rain jackets & scarves, but those items remained in our bags as we soaked up some (rare) February sun. With a rental just steps from the sand & some of the mildest weather I've ever experienced on the Oregon coast, we entered this trip with hopeful hearts.

As you can gather, we played AND rested hard!

In a matter of just a few days, we explored several different areas along the beautiful coastline, spent hours dreaming + discussing what the next year(s) might hold for us, and experienced a handful of firsts with our little guy. It wasn't elaborate, but it was memorable, and that was exactly what we needed!

And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14

A (belated) Christmas Recap

Yes, this is a couple weeks late, but in our defense, we didn't have our last Christmas celebration until New Years Day (which I didn't get any pictures of...).  Regardless, this Christmas was particularly special as it was Calvin's first! 

There were presents (so! many! presents!), no shortage of lights + ornaments to grab, and lots of memories to be had.  It's true what they say - the holidays are more fun with kids!

Our community group at our church Christmas party

 

mama had a lot of fun with the Christmas outfits

 Calvin was quite interested his (second) cousin Gus

Calvin's first Christmas at grandma Cyndi's house 

(don't worry about the tears, it was a long day!)

One of our favorite gifts from uncle Dan --- a Portland Trail Blazer hat!

Merry Christmas from the Grables!

Farewell 2014

2014 was a quiet year for Grable Tales.  I could blame it on having a baby, but shouldn't that have given me more content?  I have a feeling that Instagram has something to do with the lack of posts --- honestly, it's a lot easier to post a photo with a small comment then think of an entire post.  Regardless, this year still deserves some recognition:

January - *crickets*

February - my first post of the year was a Stitch Fix review: pregnant edition; I also shared how I was spending my time lately (hint: Sam Grable Photo, The Influence Network, and being pregnant for the second time); I announced my hopes of attending my second Influence Conference; and blogged about my love for 4moms.

March - I started the month off by writing out my monthly goals (and linking up with The Tiny Twig's Goals with Grace); I updated my about me page & began leading an Influence Network community group; and I talked about being a month out from meeting our baby boy (& shared his name)

April - I revisited my March goals + shared my April goals; and blogged about my thoughts of Brené Brown’s book - Daring Greatly

May - I looked back on my April goals + made a few May goals; introduced our baby boy, Calvin!; shared how different Mother's Day felt this year; started writing monthly letters to Calvin; and shared my first postpartum Stitch Fix review.

June - continued with goals for June; after flying across the country with a six week old, I blogged about some of the 'flying with a baby' tips/advice that worked for us; Calvin turned two months old; and Sam & I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary.

July - this month, I really started to give myself grace when it came to my goals for July; parenting definitely isn't easy, but on occasion it does make you feel like you have some super powers; another Stitch Fix review (I love this service!); my baby turned three months old; and I blogged about the community I found online.

August - still going strong + trying to be transparent with my monthly goals; I reviewed my birthday Stitch Fix; and Calvin kept getting bigger (four months old).

September - I finally realized that some goals will be repeats each month and that's ok; I (re)introduced myself in preparation of the Influence Conference; Calvin turned five months old; thanks to credits, I received a Stitch Fix before attending the Influence Conference; and then I recapped the conference for the second year in a row.

October - two posts remain consistent each month: goals + Calvin's letter (six months old this month!)

November - goals, goals, goals (sorry for the repeating); a photo recap of October; I shared my experience with essential oils; I turned to social media for help with this month's Stitch Fix review; Calvin turned seven months old; and I took some time to be thankful.

December - after nine months of goals, I shared my last goals (with grace) for 2014; blogged about Christmas traditions; honored Charlotte's second birthday and shared the way we chose to celebrate her; reflected on our second year without our baby girl; Calvin celebrated his eighth month of being on the outside; I blogged about the significance of a little giraffe; and reviewed my final Stitch Fix for the year.

This year brought a lot of joy + hope, as well as sleepless nights + tears. And while this space has been primarily used to review Stitch Fixes, write out my goals, and share my monthly letter to Calvin, but I appreciate the comments & community I've found through this space + social media outlets.  Maybe next year things will be different...

Until then... Happy New Year!

Traditions

Traditions have been on my mind a lot lately --- What traditions will we carry on from my childhood? From my husband's childhood? What new traditions will we start as a family?

Over the years, Sam & I have celebrated the holidays with our immediate families, which has been wonderful & easy when it comes to traditions. But as we continue to grow our little family, the desire to make our own traditions & memories has become stronger and more important.

With this being the first holiday season we'd have a child at home with us, I found myself searching for our the memorable moments that could be carried on through the years, while reminding myself that we didn't have to go overboard by doing all.the.things.  So I did a little research...

I searched through some of my favorite blogger's past holiday posts.
I asked close friends for their ideas.
I even attended an online class titled "Holidays & Families Without Losing Your Mind", taught by Rachael Kincaid ((great class!))

And after exhausting my resources & talking them through with Sam, these are the Christmas traditions that I hope will become a part of our holidays each year:

• Participating in an Advent plan // This may look different each year, but as long as we participate in one as a family, I'll be happy.

• Christmas pajamas on Christmas Eve // Growing up, my mom always allowed us to open one gift on Christmas Eve and it was always a pair of new pajamas, so this is a special one from my childhood.

• Three gifts (like Jesus received) // I recently heard this one from the above-mentioned class and I loved it. Simply put: each person receives three gifts from their list and the special part is that you can incorporate the story of the gifts Jesus received as well.

Every year is not going to look the same, I know that. But finding a a few of holiday traditions that my family can look back on with appreciation & nostalgia is important to me and something I hope we can continue to carry on.


Any traditions that have become a part of your holidays?

Thankful

It would be easy to find reasons not to be thankful, especially after losing our baby girl, but today I'm choosing to be thankful for the time he has given Sam, Charlotte, Calvin, & I, with each other and our family & friends.

Life isn't always simple, but thanking God for the little things is. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours!

Parenting Super Powers

Photo by Megan Love Photography

Since becoming a mom, my priorities have shifted quite a bit. Instead of thinking of my own needs first, I now spend my time caring for my baby and keeping him alive day in & day out. To some, this might seem easy, but I find myself tapping into my "supermom" powers to get me through the day.

Multi-tasking. I've prided myself on being able to multi-task for years, but since becoming a mom this super power has taken a whole new meaning. I can start laundry, put dishes away, vacuum, and reply to emails all while rocking my baby. This isn't required all the time, but is a nice ability when I just need to get something done.

Super strength. Sometimes this looks like just keeping a determined baby away from harmful situations and other times this looks like having enough strength to soothe an unhappy child. Either way, my body is stronger in ways I didn't know possible.

Animal senses. This one surprised me the most. I had heard that a mom knows which cry is her baby's, but didn't fully believe it until I became a mom. With the help of safety gates and baby monitors, I'm able to know my child is safe whether they are in my arms or not.  Plus, companies like Dropcam have made things even easier by allowing your to monitor your child from your phone or tablet, which is a big plus to this tech-loving mama.


What super powers have you found while being a parent?


Disclosure: I did not receive any product or compensation for any mentions in this post.

Farewell 2013

When 2013 began, I wasn't sure what the year would hold. We had just suffered a major loss and living day to day (sometimes hour to hour) was all I could handle. And my blogging certainly reflected what I was feeling and how little words I had to share:

January - I started the year writing down a few of my 2013 goals {that I actually accomplished}; I shared the gift we were given through Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep; began posting Friday bullets; and talked about Charlotte - one month after meeting her, never forgetting her, and the reminders of her all around me.

February - I continued posting Friday bullets {an easy way to get my thoughts out}; I shared a story my husband posted on Facebook about Charlotte & having hope; on what would have been C's two month birthday, I talked about anniversaries have helped me heel & meeting with the genetic counselor; and posted the video we shared at Charlotte's memorial.

March - I received {& blogged about} my first Stitch Fix and fell in love the company's concept; the month was filled Friday bullets/thoughts; I joined the Influence Network & attended my first classes; and I shared about a series about life after Charlotte.

April - after sharing about the desire to talk about life after Charlotte in March, I posted about the holidays, being a mother without a child, and questions I've received; I updated my blog with a new design & address; and I ran walked a 5k with my sister-in-law.

May - 2012 was the year of the photo-a-day and in May I shared the book that I made to compile all of my photos in one place; I saw Sara Bareillis again, up close & personal; I celebrated my first Mother's Day without Charlotte, which was bittersweet; and I ended the month visiting Austin & the Heater family.

June - another Stitch Fix box arrived and yet again I was exctied to see what my stylist picked out for me; due to an Influence Network prompt, I shared what home means to me; I couldn't believe six months had already passed since meeting & saying goodbye to Charlotte; and we celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary.

July - my Friday bullets transformed into '5 on Friday', where I shared five of my favorites from the week; I was offered a chance to review a Float Wrap from Printography; I featured five blogs that have helped me through the grieving process; and Sam & I got away for a peaceful weekend.

August - more & more 5 on Fridays {apparently that's the way I got myself to post throughout most of the year}; and Sam built me a headboard.

September - this is the month where my posting drastically slowed down... but not before I posted about my excitement about the Influence Conference & my 2013 scarfs swap.

October - I could barely find the words to describe my time at the Influence Conference {because it was amazing!}; and we finally announced our new addition coming in April.

November - after announcing my pregnancy, I reflected on how different this one feels in comparison to the one with Charlotte; and we found out we would be welcoming a baby boy {and announced it on Instagram}!

December - we honored Charlotte's first birthday; I reviewed Stitch Fix while being pregnant; and rounded out the year reflecting on one year after Charlotte.


As I reflect on the year behind us, I'm grateful God gave me hope, especially in the darker times.  And next year already holds a lot of hope, which I'm also thankful for, but what I am really hoping for in 2014 is that I find my online voice again. Between remembering our baby girl, preparing for our new little guy and continuing to be involved with the Influence Network, my mind is swirling with inspiration & posts; I just need to to take the time to write about it all, for you, my readers, and myself.

So until then... Happy New Year!

Run a 5k*: Check!

Last year, one of the items on my leap list was running a 5k and while I truly thought this one would be an easy one to cross off my list, my year quickly changed its course (got pregnant, lost all my energy, received devastating news about our daughter’s condition, etc.) and I forgot all about my leap list.

So when this year rolled around, I figured why not put a 5k back on my goals list and knock it out before the year gets too busy or something takes my focus once again.

Insert: Color Me Rad race in Eugene!

Not only did this race meet my short list of requirements (5k, early in the year, close location), it also looked like a lot of fun, which was good for someone (me!) who hadn’t participated in any sort of organized run before.

After finding just the right 5k, the next piece of business was to see if anyone else wanted to join me and thankfully, my SIL stepped right up to the plate.

Before we knew it, the race was upon us and we were ready to see what all the hype was about. 

With our white shirts (with our team name on them) and our running shoes on, we braved the starting line with hundreds of other people, waiting for our first burst of color and whatever else the race had in store for us.

Let it be said, from the first throw of color to the last, the whole event was pretty awesome. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I smiled so big while exercising - it was that fun! 

The course weaved through some beautiful areas on Eugene and every half a mile or so we were covered with more colored cornstarch to complete our look.  

And by the end of the race, we looked like we had stepped right out of a rainbow or something :)

If you're looking for a fun run, this is the one for you!  One of the phrases that I heard the announcers say was, "This run isn’t timed; we just want you to have the time of your lives!” and that is pretty much how I felt!

Thank you Color Me Rad for making my first 5k an entertaining one, to say the least!

This post was not sponsored by Color Me Rad or anyone else; I just really liked the race!

*Please note: I had every intention of actually training to run this race, but, sadly, that didn't happen. While I wish it did, in the end, I’m just happy I followed through with it nonetheless.

Friday Thoughts

It never ceases to amaze me how fast the months fly by with each passing year.

This year, it feels like I blinked and we’re already half way through March. 

I’m just going to blame it on getting older.

Regardless, we’re already half way through March and we’re not looking back!

Last weekend, we escaped to the Oregon coast with my in-laws.  They have a family friend who lends them their beach house every couple years and we get to tag along.  The last time we went, our sweet little niece was still in her mama’s tummy, so it was definitely fun to experience the new surroundings through her eyes.  We didn't have any set plans, but we managed to walk along the coast (several times), play a couple games of Settlers of Catan, share thoughts & conversations by the fire, and take a spin on the carousel, to name a few things.  And even though we got back pretty  late on Sunday, I still felt rested & ready for the week ahead.

Other than our weekend away, this week has been pretty quiet.

However, I’ve been feeling pretty inspired by my Internet “friends” (I haven’t met many of them in person, but certainly feel blessed by them on a daily basis).  Not only are their comments uplifting, but their posts on their own blog leave me feeling like they are writing just for me!

• This first one should come as no surprise (I find it hard to go a week without mentioning the Influence Network to someone, which means they must be doing their job :)).  This week, Heather Boersma wrote about the process of pruning on the Influence Network blog and for obvious reasons, this post was just what I needed to hear as I continue to struggle with why God has led us where we are.
• On a similar note, Kim (from oh, sweet joy!) also shared her heart this week on being good enough in a world that feels like it’s constantly tearing you down.  It was nice reminder that I plan to return to whenever I start to second guess myself.
• Lastly, I really enjoyed reading Jessi from Naptime Diaries’ post about being more than just a mom.  While I don’t have little ones at home, I have thought about being a stay-at-home mom when we do and wondered a lot about if that will be enough.  I loved Jessi’s idea that every mom is a mom plus, which is something I think many people need to hear.

So that’s what I’m thinking about this week.  What's grabbed your attention this week?

Friday Bullets

• This week was sort of a bag of mixed emotions.
• Last weekend, we had a couple guests come stay with us - my MIL, SIL, and adorable niece (my FIL & BIL were at a retreat) - and it felt great to have the house full of people.
• We read books, climbed the stairs, played with little “guys”, took a walk, and looked at photo albums of baby Charlotte.
• Fun for all!
• At least until Monday, when my mood changed.
• While waiting for a meeting to start first thing Monday morning, I was asked the question I have been dreading for the last few months…
• “How’s that baby of yours doing?”
• As I mentioned on Twitter, I feel like I held it together pretty well, simply answering that she didn’t make it, but boy if it didn’t feel like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.
• Of course the person who asked had no idea what had happened and felt really bad for asking, which makes me feel sad as well, and I knew this question would be asked, I just wasn't expecting it would hurt so much.
• Tuesday also marked 3 months since we met our baby girl, obviously another hard day.
• I spent a lot of the day thinking about Charlotte and the milestones she’d be reaching this month, which always makes me a little more sad than usual.
• My day ended on a good note with attending my first Influence Network class.
• I want to write a whole post about it, but in case I don’t, I want it to be said that Raechel’s class on Loving & Being Loved through Loss was exactly what my heart desired to hear this week!
• Not only was the topic near & dear to my heart, but the class setting with live video, a PowerPoint presentation, and chat boxes to allow interaction between all attendees was great too.
• I am looking forward to checking out all the blogs & resources that were mentioned.
• Speaking of blogs, I did want to share a few of my favorite posts from this week.
• I really don’t pay too much attention to how many people actually read my blog, but I do know my blog isn’t that popular for one reason – I haven’t received my first mean comment.  That might sound weird to some of you, but I have seen many posts in regards to how mean some people can be towards a blogger’s post and that just makes me sad.  Lindsay at Hello Hue shared what she’s learned about dealing with the ugly side of the online community, which had some great ideas and was really well put.
• Google Reader announced this week that it’ll be shutting down this summer and a lot of people posted about where they’d read their blogs from after GR is gone.  Nina of According to Nina wrote a great post about switching over to Feedly that seems not only easy, but quick.  I think I might even make the change before summer starts.
• Mandy from House of Rose shared the 9 things she can’t live without at a blog conference and I found it really helpful, even if I haven’t been to one to know what they are like.  I’ve starred this post for future reference and hope I get to use her advice one day… (maybe in September for the Influence Conference J)
• We’re off to the coast for the weekend to hang out with my in-laws and celebrate some belated birthdays.
• Even though it’s not supposed to be very nice, I’m still looking forward to getting away for a few days to read by the fire, play games, and engage in good conversation.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Friday Bullets

A friend of mine (hi Rhi!) frequently posts 'Friday Bullets' on her blog and since I have (sometimes random) things I'd like to post about, I thought I'd follow her lead.

• Well it's Friday, which means I made it through my first week back at work.
• For most, this wouldn't seem like a big deal, but when you've lost your only child less than a month prior (as well as undergone major abdominal surgery), this is a big accomplishment in my book.
• And it wasn't easy... let's just say that majority of Tuesday was spent in tears.
• However, I would like it to be known that I'm hanging in there.
• Other than work, I've been trying to keep myself busy when I get home in the evenings.
• Sometimes that involves working out (or at least trying to...) and sometimes that involves getting caught up on television shows.
• The shows usually win.
• Because of people want to help us during this time, we've been receiving some amazing dinners, without much work.
• Thank you to all those who have fed us over the last couple weeks!
• This weekend, we're going up to see Sam's family and celebrate his grandparent's 80th & 85th birthdays.
• I pray I can be as active & upbeat as they are at their age.
• And Sam is also meeting with a couple who would like to talk to him about photographing their wedding!!!
• That last bullet deserves three explanation points because that's a big deal for this new photographer (Sam!) and his biggest fan/PR rep (me!).
• Which reminds me... I should showcase his new site on here soon.
• Anyone in Oregon looking for a photographer, let me know!

What are your plans this weekend?

Farewell 2012...

Well, another year has come & gone again, but for some reason this one feels much different from the past.  Maybe it's because we experienced both the most exciting joy & deepest sorrow we have ever felt before.  Or maybe it's because the future we thought we were planning for in the early months, has been flipped upside down now and we are no longer sure what's ahead for us.  Regardless, I wanted to be sure to recap this year for my own benefit - to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly and more importantly, to hopefully one day see God's plan & reason behind what happened to us this year:

January - I started the year off with some hope & goals for the new, as well as a photo-a-day project that {I didn't know at the time} would continue throughout the rest of the year.  As with previous years, I also continued posting about some book reviews and shared more of my outfits through "What I Wore Wednesday".  I also shared my Leap List on the blog and completed my first item.

February - WIWW continued and I even started creating outfits from my Pinterest board.  I shared Sam + I's love story and a rare moment where we got to babysit my adorable niece for the day.  My photo-a-day's also continued with weekly posts.

March - More reviews, outfit posts, and photo-a-day posts this month, but I also completed another Leap List item {my first massage!} and we started on a big house project - installing laminate flooring throughout our house.  We also found out we were pregnant this month, although no one knew yet :)

April - This month didn't have a lot going on except trying to keep our baby news a secret, so I kept myself busy by seeing Wicked for the first time and hosting a Stella & Dot giveaway {which was a lot of fun & I'd love to host more in the future}.  I also continued my photo-a-day project.

May - Another relatively quiet month {mainly due to the unknown pregnancy - sensing a theme?} with the exception of my weekly photo-a-day recap posts, but we also had some fun this month.  Our niece turned one!  And we got away to Bend, OR for a little vacation between working on our floors some more.  Our families learned of our upcoming bundle of joy, although we continued to keep the blog world in the dark for another month.

June - The big baby news month!  Our niece helped share the news and in addition to sharing some pregnancy details, I also began my weekly posts about the pregnancy at 14 weeks.  I also posted a special shout-out to the fathers in our life because a new one {my husband!} would be becoming on in December.  Other notable posts from June - I updated my Leap List, continued photo-a-day recaps, and Sam & I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary!

July - We started out this month with a trip to Nova Scotia {at 16 weeks pregnant} to see my dad and ended it with multiple doctor visits when they discovered a problem at our gender ultrasound.  I filled the month with photo-a-day recaps, reviews, and a Pinterest project, but this month sort of seems like a blur when I think back on it.

August - I took a break posting about the pregnancy for weeks 19 & 20 of the pregnancy due to the news we received in July, but shared some medical details around 21 weeks when we decided to put our trust and baby girl in God's hands and her name around 22 weeks {Charlotte}.  Due to the state of our pregnancy, we became labeled as "high risk" and began seeing a specialist every couple weeks for monitoring, measurements, and tests.  Through all of this, I clung to whatever normalcy I could find and continued my photo-a-day project to find some appreciation of the little things in life.

September - If I was to describe my feelings this month in one word, I would probably say it was "hopeful".  We had met with a few different doctors concerning our little girl's condition and while we knew it was serious, we also hoped that God would fix her little body if that was His plan.  Notable happenings for this month include: sharing a little bit about what was going through my head at the moment; participating in a scarf swap; posting my photo-a-day recaps; and attending two baby showers out of town for Charlotte + I {posted about in December}.

October - Another somewhat quiet month on the blog, with the exception of photo-a-day posts, pregancy updates, and reviews.  One exception was where I felt more hopeful in September, the feeling of hopelessness surrounding the pregnancy overcame my thoughts in October, which I shared about around 32 weeks.  To take my mind off worrying, I started a weekly post called Friday Favorites {I featured Lisa Leonard & HelloBee this month}, which share some blogs & sites that have become must-reads for me throughout the years.

November - More pregnancy updates, reviews, Friday Favorites {iHeart Organizing, Influenster, I Love You More Than Carrots, Jonathan David Photography, and The Four Gift Rule}, and photo-a-day recaps this month.  We also shared Charlotte's scheduled birthday - 12.12.12 - around 36 weeks, after we were transferred up to Legacy Emanuel in Portland, OR for the remainder of our pregnancy.  And due to the nature of the month, I also shared why I was most thankful this year...

December - Also known as the month we've been waiting for!  I started out the month posting about the amazing baby showers that were thrown for us over the last couple months, as well as a Friday Favorite {The Dough Will Rise Again} and finishing out my year-long photo-a-day project.  Then before we knew it, we had made it to 39 weeks & the day finally came that we would finally be meeting our precious baby girl.  Charlotte René Grable was born on 12.12.12 at 2:35pm, but sadly, we had to say goodbye to her far too soon on 12.21.12 at around 11:30am, only 9 short days after we met her.  I tried to put our feelings into words and find meaning for why this all happened, but a lot of if is still in my heart, which is, honestly, where it might stay for the unforeseeable future...  However, I did want to document Charlotte's short, but love-filled life, so you can read about her here & here.

This year was tough.  As I mentioned above, we experienced such a range of emotions this year that I'm not sure how many I have left {except for indescribable sadness and desire to hold Charlotte in my arms again}.  As 2012 comes to an end, I pray that I never forget this year and what it brought us, but that I am also able to move forward and see Charlotte in everything beautiful ahead of us.

Charlotte's Life - Part 2

Because I don't want to forget anything about the nine days we spent with our little girl, here is an account of her short, but love-filled life.  Part 1 is posted here.


Along with Charlotte's change in breathing assistance, Saturday also brought my discharge. I was able to spend a hour with her while she was getting the hang of the CPAP, but had to leave before the doctors were able to test her on it. While I was gone, Sam & his mom stayed with Charlotte. My discharge felt like it took forever because all I wanted to do was get back to hold my little girl's hand, but when I finally got back up to the NICU, I felt like I was living my worst nightmare.  In short, Charlotte had stopped breathing on the CPAP and had to be intibated again after turning blue and hearing her heart monitor drop to almost nothing. It felt like eternity before we saw life come back to her, but once it did, we all could breathe again ourselves, even though we knew this didn't mean good news for Charlotte.

The neonatologist explained to us what had happened with Charlotte and said they would continue to try anything we wanted, but that Charlotte's breathing troubles appeared to be mechanical and wouldn't improve over time, due to her diagnosis.  Our world came crashing down in an instant, but we decided to take some time to think about things and shower our little girl with all the love we had.  And that night, Sam got his first chance to hold Charlotte and I fell in love with him all over again.

For the next several days, we took every opportunity to hold & love on Charlotte that we were given. We also had a couple more meetings with different doctors and staff who work in the NICU, but we were still trying to process our own thoughts and the only thing we knew was that we needed to have all of our family & close friends come meet Charlotte before it was too late.  And almost immediately, everyone dropped everything they had going on and came to be with us.

December 19th was not only our original due date and Charlotte's one week birthday, but it was also the day we came to a decision regarding next steps for Charlotte.   The neonatologist told us about another breathing assistance measure, which we decided that we would try on Friday. But along with this decision, we also made the hardest decision of our lives - we would not re-intibate her if this breathing measure was to fail.  Some may think we were giving up hope, but Charlotte had spent her whole (short) life being poked, prodded, and with tubes down her throat, all while being one of the most content babies I've ever seen, but when she cried and we couldn't hear a sound, that's when we knew her quality of life would never be what it should be and it wasn't fair to keep making her suffer.

There are no words to describe our feelings surrounding this decision. Not only were we sad & angry that our baby girl was most likely being taken from us way too soon, but Charlotte also brought us so much joy & happiness in only a short time. Praying was all we could do and ask of people. Of course we asked for a miracle, as we had been doing for the previous five months, but we knew that God already knew her future and if He had others plans, He would make them happen.

Friday seemed to arrive before we knew it. We spent the morning talking to Charlotte as we usually did and told her the same things we had been telling her her whole life - how much we love her and how much God loves her.  Then the neonatologist, nurse, and respiratory therapist came to switch Charlotte's breathing measure and we finally were able to see our beautiful baby girl's entire face without all the tubes we had become used to.  In preparation that this might be our last day with Charlotte, my SIL arranged for a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep to come take some family photos for us.  Shortly after the photographer left, we realized that Charlotte's breath wasn't as strong as it once was and the neonatologist confirmed that the breathing measure wasn't working as we had hoped. The next hour we took turns holding and rocking our precious child and praying God would take her peacefully to be with Him.  And around 11:30am on December 21, 2012, Charlotte René went to be with Jesus and she was finally safe & perfect in His arms.

There hasn't been a moment in the last week that we haven't thought of our baby girl.  People are praying and reaching out to help us and for that we are very thankful, but to be honest, the only thing I really want is to be holding my beautiful Charlotte again and unfortunately no one can give that to us.  We do have peace knowing she is finally pain-free and dancing up in Heaven with the one who created her, but being without her still hurts more than words can say.  This pain we are feeling is one I wouldn't wish on anyone and I pray that with time, God's plan & reason for Charlotte's short, but love-filled life will be revealed and we will rejoice in the fact that we were lucky enough to be around her for her life here on earth.

Thank you again to those who have prayed for us from our first diagnosis until now and will continue to lift us up in your prayers.  I feel blessed by the outpouring of love & support we have felt from family, friends, and even those who never had a chance to meet our precious little girl.  Thank you all!

Charlotte René Grable

December 12, 2012 - December 21, 2012